im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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