What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
