I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wear drunk well.
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