Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
