I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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