Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
