Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
