I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
