If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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