I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
