I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
