You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
