yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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