and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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