i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
