Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
