I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
