Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
