you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
