Im at strip club and am horny
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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