Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
