doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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