Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
