I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
