she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
