so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
