Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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