Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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