I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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