my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
