it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
