He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
