Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
