i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
