Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just want nice things and good sex
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
