it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
