yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
