I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
