his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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