i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
