im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
