I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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