Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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