Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
