what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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