That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
