So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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