Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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