Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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