Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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