I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I party with great urgency now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
