This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
